My fellow Americans. I stand here before you today a changed man. An enlightened man. A hopeful
man.
On January 17th, President Bush delivered his State of the Union Address. And, like any gosh-darn, yee-haw, red-blooded American, it made me think about our country and the way things are, and the way things should be. After nearly a week of contemplation and soul-searching, I've come to what I believe is a very rational, adult conclusion: America should be run by Mario. And here's why:
1. Instead of folding under the crushing pressure of every Italian-American stereotype ever created, Mario chose to fight his way through adversity and judgment, and has earned the respect and adoration of all of gamingdom. (Yeah, I made that word up. It's my blog. I can do that sort of thing.) The world's opinion of us gamers ain't all that swell at the moment. Mario would change that.
2. The dude has an seemingly unlimited supply of gold coins. Goodbye, national deficit. We won't miss you.
3. Homeboy keeps his kingdom in order. Every time some wanna-be gangster with a spiked shell on his back shows up looking for trouble, Mario gnaws on a few fireball-endowing flowers and handles business. No Air Force. No Army. No Navy. No Marines. Just that angry little plumber and a ton of butt-bounces. Think about all the money we'd save in military costs.
4. He's got a sweet-ass 'stache and he always gets the girl. 'Nuff said.
I think it's pretty clear: Mario for President in 2008!
