My cat and I can’t play “Wii Fit” together.
I learned this on Sunday while trying to take advantage of what I thought was the first-ever intentional human-pet co-operative mode programmed into a video game.
And I bled for my folly.
I had recently learned through N’Gai Croal’s blog that chief Nintendo designer, Shigeru Miyamoto, had wanted the Japanese version of “Wii Fit” to include a feature that encouraged people to use the fitness game’s peripheral, the Wii Balance Board, to weigh their pets. Croal learned that the feature would be included in the American version in some shape or form.
Sure enough, page 14 of the instruction manual includes an image of a man holding his dog while standing on the board. A “fitness tip” suggests: “after you’ve weighed yourself, why not try it again while holding something? By observing how much the weight differs, you can find out how much whatever you’re holding weighs.”
I decided I would hoist my cat, Quimby, into my arms and get a photo of our first ever co-operative gaming moment.
She hated the idea.
First I had to activate “Wii Fit”’s body test, which I did without Quimby in my arms. The test begins with a several-second measurement of my balance. The balance test reported that when I think I’m standing up straight I’m leaning back on my heels. Next, it let me toggle from a readout of my Body Mass Index to my weight in pounds.
At the moment of the weigh-in I got Quimby in my arms. She squirmed and tried to get down. My wife took Wii remote in hand and activated the toggle, but apparently the system had already weight me before I picked up our cat. My Weight + Quimby’s Weight = My Weight. That was wrong.
My wife and I realized that I would need to do the full balance test with Quimby in my arms. Only then could we determine what Quimby’s and my combined weight was. Quimby would have to rest patiently in my arms during the opening bit. The instruction manual did not mention this.
We started again. I picked Quimby back up, skeptical that she would rest in my arms for the full test. It doesn’t even take a minute, but she does not like being held.
Quimby squirmed.
She scratched.
She drew blood.
I let her down.
My cat took a small chunk out of me.
Is this, I wonder, how “Wii Fit” is supposed to make you lose weight? One divot at a time?