Here in New York City, our trees aren’t invincible.
We actually have children and squirrels scurrying through our parks.
And the big amusement park over in Brooklyn, one of our five boroughs, is on the southeast side, not the west.
Such things are different in Liberty City.
“Grand Theft Auto IV” gets many, many things right about New York City, the metropolis upon which its Liberty City is based. And it gets some big things wrong that I can overlook.
But some of the game’s misrepresentations demand correcting. New York City, I will defend your rep, via a cheap numbered-list post.
“GTA IV” is — dare I say it — just a game. So it’s okay that it doesn’t have a Westchester County or any other land connected to its version of Queens (called Dukes)[EDIT: My mistake! I meant the Bronx/Bohan]. It’s sort of okay that Staten Island didn’t make it onto the Liberty City map. Some of these inaccuracies are forgivable, given that Rockstar Games did include authentic tai chi aficionados slowly twirling in Liberty Ciy’s parks and street preachers bellowing on the sidewalks. The developers really have made the most authentic video game city I’ve ever played darts in.
However, just as a major movie set in New York might convince some of out-of-towners to visit the Big Apple, “GTA IV” might bring some non-New-Yorkers to the real life Liberty City.
I don’t want you to come here with the wrong idea.
Here are eight things about New York City grossly misrepresented in Rockstar Games’ Liberty City:
1. We are not a car town: No sensible New Yorker uses a car as their primary means of transportation in the city, unless — maybe — they commute from the suburbs. Car ownership doesn’t make much sense. There are never any parking spots. Parking garages are prohibitively expensive. And, most importantly, the subway is a faster, cheaper and more efficient means of transportation. We don’t drive here. Niko, to be a real New Yorker, should rely on the subway. But what would he be left to grandly thieve?
2. The Met doesn’t have dinos: The big art museum on the east side of Liberty City’s Middle Park (aka Central Park) was designed by Rockstar to look like the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It’s worth visiting. But don’t go there for the wrong reasons. “GTA” erroneously implies there are dinosaur bones on display in the Met. No way. Paintings, pottery and many an Egyptian sarcophagus, yes. Dinosaur bones? Try the American Museum of Natural History.
3. You can’t jog in Times Square at noon on a weekday: Take it from someone who works in Times Square that there are far too may tourists in Times Square to let someone jog on the sidewalks in the heart of the city. Liberty City just isn’t as crowded as the real thing.
4. We have lots of two-story tour buses: “GTA IV” includes sports cars, sedans, taxis, limos, garbage trucks, police cruisers, buses, motorcycles and more. But where are the red double-decker tour buses? This a drastic oversight. Every major thoroughfare in Manhattan has a roofless double-decker bus from Big Apple Tours or some other company. These buses are used to show visitors the sights. A guide stands on the top level with a mic in hand, pointing stuff out. Hey, Rockstar, if there was one signature New York City vehicle I wanted to commandeer right off a short pier in Liberty City, this was it. You let me down
5. We have baseball stadiums — two of them: In the Bronx and Queens we have baseball fields for two teams you may have heard of. I’m not much of a baseball fan, but I would still say that baseball is a key part of New York City culture. It divides the city into tribes. The frequent playoff and World Series appearances of the Mets and Yankees annually energize the town. Yes, the Liberty City Swingers are mentioned on in-game radio stations, but, 30 hours into the game, I have a feeling we’re never going to see a player or a field where they play. Liberty City just doesn’t feel like a baseball town. There may be no bigger piece of New York City culture missing from Liberty City than the Big Apple’s baseball heritage.
6. People don’t carry bags in their arms: This is subtle but crucial. In Liberty City, people carry brown bags full of groceries in their arms — the better to knock free in a demonstration of exceptional physics engineering. In New York City, bags are carried over the shoulder or by their handles in people’s hands. No one carries an armful of groceries, because no one carries that small amount of stuff. When we go grocery shopping, we go all-out.
7. People in New Jersey need to pay: All commuters in New York City were not created equal. “GTA IV” accurately depicts the free ride people driving from Manhattan to Brooklyn get as they cross via the Brooklyn Bridge and the Manhattan Bridge. The city does not charge for car travel between the real life Algonquin and Broker. Going from the main Manhattan to the east is free. Going from the main island to the west, though, costs money. I was born in New Jersey, the land to the west of Manhattan. I appreciate the state. But those people who live there have got to pony up. They do in real life, forking over tolls for bridge and tunnel travel to Manhattan. “GTA IV” does not depict this. The game implies that the citizens of New Jersey (Alderney in the game) are welcomed into Manhattan with no strings attached and no tolls charged — as if they were the equal of Brooklynites. That is so not true. We charge them to come here.
8. We eat bagels: Have I missed something or is it not possible to eat a bagel in “Grand Theft Auto IV”’s Liberty City? Niko can eat burgers, hot dogs and go to diners. But bagels? The most famous New York City food? Never fear, visitors to our town, we have bagels that can be eaten and enjoyed, whether Liberty City acknowledges it or not. Burgers? Waste of time. You can eat them in any town.
***
Those are eight differences between New York City and Liberty City. Eight truths non-New-Yorkers need to know.
Are you a local — possibly a developer at NYC-based Rockstar Games — equally motivated to address some of the gross misrepresentations of New York City in ‘Grand Theft Auto IV”? Stand in silence no longer. Speak out!
May 5th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
If this article is just a joke…shouldn’t it be funny?
O.o
May 5th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
NEW JERSEY REPRESENT, WOO!!
Bagels are a staple. For shame. The most grievous error on this list, however, is the notion that there are dinosaur bones in an art museum. That’s just plain stupid.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Thanks for the article, Stephen.
A lighthearted bit of lunch reading, and a fun way to look at GTA IV. Look at this. Actual content. With a Clever take. Just for the heck of it. Not another press-release rehash or snoring reviews.
Though it confounds the mouthbreathers, the article is humor, and that’s completely obvious. It’s nice to find words written by someone with a college education for a change.
The only thing that surprises me is the utter buffoonery of these commentors.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
are you guys f—ing retarded? This was a clever little article completely tongue in cheek.
seriously, get out of the game and go acquire yourselves some reading comprehension.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I’ve lived in both Manhattan and Jersey City (right across the river). Some points in this post are good but I can find more salient elements to point out than those like the grocery bag thing (and by the way I find it funny that this is more significant to the author than leaving out Staten Island — which is actually not left out. Supposedly, Alderney is a combination of the borough of SI and northeastern NJ).
Random note — with the cost thing, it should also be pointe out that it costs more to take a taxi 5 minutes across the river to NJ than to take it for half an hour within the boroughs.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
The thing that bothers me is that they made 5th Avenue into Columbus Avenue. But Columbus is on the West side of the park in real life. If you are going to make a game “based on” New York, please don’t put real avenues in the wrong locations!
May 5th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
@ almost everyone
It’s a joke… It was riddled with sarcasm. The people walk too slow, there are no place to get bagels? This is an obvious tongue-in-cheek post. It is certainly not meant to be taken seriously.
Think before you comment.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
The game does an OK job of capturing the city’s overall feel, but the music is what makes the game more enjoyable then edition’s past (for me). Listen:
http://www.nutsie.com/playlist/index/2507315?autoplay=true&id=2507315&user_id=318195
May 5th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Nice article, Stephen. I hope they add those annoying red buses in the DLC. Everyone else? Learn the meaning of tongue-in-cheek and don’t come back to the internet until you do.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Hey Steven, a bunch of us Kotakuites are having a chuckle at your commenters here. No one seems to understand the tone of your article. Sad…but still, THAT is funny stuff.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Wow, really guys? Really?
Great article Stephen. I could really tell that you love GTA and that, as a fellow New Yorker (well, until July I’m still in Jersey, shhhh,) you caught some of the same things I did. The area where I work (which is, honestly, hard to place - it’s a block south of Houston and west of Varrick), isn’t really replicated anywhere in Algonquin, and in fact all of downtown is really crushed together. Alderney City is an amalgamation of Newark and Jersey City, and the suburbs in Jersey are simply nicer than the ones that close to the city (trust me.) But they nailed so many other things that I’ll forgive them
My biggest complaint is that taxis are more useful than subways, though I guess if I had dough like Niko, and could make them teleport by paying double, I would use taxis too!
May 5th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Jesus Christ people, you’re all a bunch of idiots. Have any of you actually read the article before screaming “ZOMG GIBARTY GITY IZNT NUYAWK SEETEE! MUST SHUTE OFF OWN E PEEN!”?
For one thing, since when was New York a fictional location built by robots? Fictional means it’s fake, or perhaps you didn’t do any research before accusing Mr Totillo here of not researching? Are you guys also blind? Can you not see that this isn’t meant to be taken so seriously? Obviously he had to do research to come to these conclusions, and obviously none of you guys have done any research because if you had you would have known that Rockstar did in fact base Liberty City(Fictioinal) on New York City(Non-Fictional).
All the Whiners here=Epic Fail, I hope you all rot in hell.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Bwahahahaha…
Oh MAN.. that article was amusing, I enjoyed it, but these comments.. this stuff is comedy GOLD!!
All the people repeating other posters with comments like “Duh.. this isn’t ACTUALLY New York! YOU FAIL!!!!!11!”. Holy crap, I seriously haven’t laughed this hard in a long time.
Thank you, silly stupid fanboys, thank you for brightening my day and putting a smile on my face.
And for those beautiful people who just don’t get this article:
Tongue-in-cheek is a term used to refer to humor in which a statement, or an entire fictional work, is not meant to be taken seriously, but its lack of seriousness is subtle. The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as “Ironic, slyly humorous; not meant to be taken seriously”.
Tongue-in-cheek fiction seems to abide by the conventions of an established serious genre, but gently pokes fun at some aspects of that genre, while still relying on its conventions. Examples of tongue-in-cheek films are Scream, A Midsummer Night’s Sex Comedy, Ghostbusters, Demolition Man, or True Lies. Note that these films are still faithful to their genre (slasher, musical, zombie, action, spy, and police-thriller respectively) and are not out-and-out parodies such as Airplane! or Scary Movie.
The OED’s earliest recorded use of the term was in a 1933 when a Times Literary Supplement review described Shooting the Bull as “a tongue-in-the-cheek march through newspaperdom”. It appeared in Webster’s Dictionary the following year.
— From Wiki
May 5th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Wow, I can’t believe some of these commenters! It’s as if GTA4 is some sacred grail that you have fully blasphemed! I laughed out loud at some of these, great stuff Mr. Totilo
May 5th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Maybe Folks are so pissed because:
1: You had absolutely nothing relevant to say about the game.
2: You made snarky comments about something and was shocked to get the same in return.
3: A lot of people do love New York, but NO ONE loves New Yorkers (Including other New Yorkers).
May 5th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
fun article. some people need to get a life on here. its only a GAME.
and this wasnt a review. and for those complaining that they wastd their time reading this…uh your surfing gaming news on an MTV site… nuff said
May 5th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Wow, amazing how people get pissed at the smallest thing. This article wasn’t written as a serious criticize GTA, it was just a list of funny little details Rockstar left out. Come on ya’ll, do we really have to get our panties in a bundle over it?
May 5th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
@Dean
Uh… thanks? It’s usually better than this.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
And old “text based” adventure game Electronic Arts published years ago called Thomas M. Disch’s Amnesia did a better job of emulating the vibe and feel of New York. Plus you did mostly use the subway to get around. Amazingly they mapped the entire island of Manhattan on two 5-1/4″ floppy disks.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
John Gabriel’s Greater Internet Dickwad Theory has been proven here.
Great writeup, next time I’m in the Big Apple, I’ll be looking for the double deckers.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Very fun article. I found it all hilarious in a tongue n’ cheek kinda way. When will Rockstar make an area like the San Francisco Bay.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
… Wow.
Having been trawling gamer forums and blogs all week for possible GTA4 freezing fix information, I thought I had read some asinine comments threads - but you all have something very special going on here.
Stephen and the other Multiplayer writers must be some kind of saints if they still show up at work each day knowing that the majority of feedback they’re going to get is poorly written ad-hominem attacks from people with… questionable… reading comprehension skills.
FWIW Stephen I found your “detailed review” of GTA4, (not to mention your deep commentary on the merits of the franchise, and all those who enjoy it) both nuanced and comprehensive. A Libery City without bagels is like Vice City without pastel dress shirts.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
can’t waste words on you, idiot.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
I’m wondering if these morons actually know that this is a tongue-in-cheek article and not a serious one…
Makes me feel ashamed to associated myself with ‘gamers’. Ugh.
Otherwise, Stephen, great article. Had a couple of good laughs from it. Don’t let these idiots get to you.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
I thought the article was supposed to be funny? Are you people insane? Is satire dead or is the gaming public really this dense?
May 5th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I’m always amazed at the lack of reading comprehension skills so many people seem to have in this world . . .
I enjoyed the article, and am disillusioned by many of the comments. The negative here is in no way reflective of the original writing, though.
What a strange world this is.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Stephen:
Chalk me up as another NYC resident (well, I work here, anyway) apologizing profusely for the absurd attacks against your fun, quirky little writeup. Some people take things way too seriously and are too concerned about defending the honor of a game for the glory of System Warz than just chuckling at funny observations.
I haven’t had the chance to play GTA4 yet (never been an open-world fan) but scoping out Liberty City would be my biggest incentive to do so. I agree fully about Times Square, since I also work here and have to elbow my way through tourists and dodge the Gray Line buses.
As for your note about the NJ/NY tolls … maybe all Liberty City vehicles are just equipped with E-ZPass?
May 5th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Good article…I enjoyed it…I think the guys from R* would probably enjoy it too!
Keep up the good work!
May 5th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
I love how everyone here is yelling at Stephen for taking things too seriously. As a New Yorker I was amused. And I agree, I would have liked to see the baseball stadiums.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Wow, I just wanted to add that I understood this piece. I was quite surprised by the comments of people who didn’t understand it. Don’t worry about these people Stephen, they are clearly too young to play the game anyways.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
People, it’s a feature. Not a review. Relax. Do something better with all that energy.
Anyway, as always I enjoy your articles Stephen. You guys write some of the more interesting pieces on gaming out there.
I haven’t played the game but I’m surprised there aren’t any baseball stadiums.. that is a huge part of NYC, even though Liberty is only based of it… perhaps it’s due to the number of people they would have to animate in the stadium..? Either way, it seems like a big omission and there would have been a lot they could do with it.
Also happy to hear your a Jersey lad, I myself am from Union County..
Keep up the great work!
May 5th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
NERD RAAAAAAAGGEEE
May 5th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
A well-written article, rather humorous. But really, the gold here isn’t the author’s work itself, but rather the commenter’s.
What hope I have for humanity is pushing me to believe that almost everyone here is responding in a very satirical manner. What logic I have, however, suggests otherwise…
At the very least, it makes for great entertainment. Epic, really. And anyone who is seriously attempting to defend GTAIV from this article really, really needs to smoke some pot. :/
May 5th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Whenever someone asks me why I frown and shake my head whenever dealing with someone from south of the border, I will just point them to this thread.
I still can’t get over how many people completely missed the boat on this post.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Living in Boston can sometimes be depressing because no matter how overeducated you are, there’s a good chance the night janitor at Dunkin Donuts has a PhD or three. I would like to personally thank the majority of people who left angry, subhuman responses to a satirical article for making me feel smart again. And yes, as somebody said above, there are plenty of us up here who would also love to have a virtual Yankee stadium to burn to the gr…play in.
May 5th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Is this a joke? This is a top hit when you type in Grand Theft Auto 4 on google… why in hell… Firstly, it’s a god damn game, secondly it’s NOT meant to be a replica of NY, why don’t you look at the positive aspects of the game: you found 8 things that are wrong, almost all of which are trivial idiocies. I apologise for this but I do pity you.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
It’s a f—ing game.. does any of this really matter in a f—ing game?
Jesus f—ing christ, get your act together!
If you were able to eat bagels in GTA, would it make a difference? Whilst playing GTA, are you going to go and play baseball? Does it matter if the transport throughout GTA is different to New York City?
I bet you’re just f—ing jelous you’re not able to produce a game at this standard, therefore, accusing GTA of being inferior to New York City.. like I said, it’s a f—ing game.. get over the little things that haven’t been added!
May 5th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
ok no offence but… no-one cares. GTA IV is a game, it doesn’t have to be EXACTLY like real life.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Wow. As a New Yorker I found this amusing. No, not laugh out loud funny, but that wasn’t this article’s intent (I don’t think).
Obviously you have a lot of readers who enjoy the same type of humor you do or the legions of GTA4 fanboys are more rabid than I originally thought.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Well then it’s good to know that this game is based in Liberty City and not New York City, otherwise, this might be relevant.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
8 things MTV Multiplayer gets wrong about video games.
1. Youre not Destructiod
2. Youre MTV
3. Youre not Kotaku
4. When I visit MTV Multiplayer- I dont feel “plugged-in”. I actually feel very disconnected.
5. Shouldnt publishers and critics should be 2 different entities- how fair would it be if Rockstar came out with a gaming magazine talking and rating other games? Conflict of interest?
6. I hate lists
7. The NTV Multiplayer banner needs to be different- looks way too much like a cross between AOTS and Destructoids Robot.
8. Youre MTV!!?
May 5th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
@ Pezdispenser
It’s funny that you picked up the sarcasm in the post but not in the one persons comment that you decided to pick a part.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
@Miguel
Dude, A knife, a fork, a bockle and a cork, THAT’S the way you spell New York!
@Stephen.
Great article, but you know what they say, “a prophet is never welcome in his hometown”
May 5th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Wow, I guess there IS a reason little kids shoud not get this game….they obviously don’t know a “joke” when they see one. However, I’d have to say pizza is more New York than bagels.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
What’s funny to me is that these fanboys are so rabid in their devotion, they’re willing to go “OMG GTA IV is so awesome Liberty City is JUST LIKE New York!!” but if anyone tries to make fun of that like the original author did, man we get “OMG ITS JUST BASED OFF NY STFU”
funny article, hope people dont take it too seroiusly
May 5th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
That was a pretty funny article.
And for everyone taking so much offense to it, get a life. It was meant to be taken with a hint of sarcasm.
To go out of your way to thoroughly defend something that’s clearly a re-branded clone of something else is utterly retarded.
And I personally prefer rolls over bagels.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
All of yall need to get a life. It’s a damn article. Its pretty good, and in no way did the dude bash teh game
May 5th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Wow Stephen seems like your getting the short end of the stick on this article… I personally thought it was hilarious and agree there should be double decker tour buses and bagel carts… those are honestly crucial elements in NYC, but Liberty City isn’t a spitting image of NYC so I don’t know if its really that important… as for that fool Daniel who said that it was based off LA and Chicago… that tooo me doesn’t make much sense… unless he means the L in Chicago and the MTA in NY? Anyhow I don’t where he pulled that from…
Maybe people don’t get the whole concept of the article? But Rockstar should do a patch and add bagel carts! That would be awesome, get a little Everything with cream cheese before going to take someone out … would always brighten up my day!
May 5th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
You forgot to mention all the people walking their dogs. And not picking up after they crap on the sidewalk. I found that to be a glaring ommission.
May 5th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
The people who took this article seriously and walked away upset are the reason I am a misanthrope.
Stephen, great job. The article itself made me chuckle a bit, but it was the response your writing received that made me die laughing. I haven’t been to this site before, but after having read your article, I’m sure to revisit. Keep up the good work.