There are five official ways to control “Mario Kart Wii.” But what if you wanted to explore some other options?

Gaming blog Joystiq has done a wonderful job putting each of the five official control schemes through a very scientific round of tests.

But they missed two additional controllers.

With the help of the RetroPort connectors from RetroZone “Mario Kart” fans (sort of) have the option of using their old NES and SNES controllers. Unfortunately, much like “Super Smash Bros. Brawl,” the game is virtually unplayable with both of them.

While both feel significantly better in your hands than the Wii Wheel, they only offer the ability to give your cart gas and reverse. Since the controllers plug in via the Gamecube ports, they are treated as Gamecube controllers. Because of that, the steering is mapped to the non-existent analog sticks, while the tricks are mapped to the directional pad.

You can drive straight back and forth, but that’s it. Sadly, there’s no drag racing in “Mario Kart.”

With the help of the SNES controller I was at least able to look behind me.

In my attempt to go anywhere on the track that wasn’t directly in front or behind me, I discovered a speed boosting trick. If you hold down the brake/reverse before you apply the gas, you car will rev up its own mini-burst of speed that you can use when you release the brake. It seems to be ineffective for Grand Prix races, since you need to sit idle for a few seconds in order to get it to happen, but it is a trick that could come in handy during Battle Mode matches where targeting your opponent is key.

I’ve been playing “Mario Kart” since it debuted on the SNES, and this version is supposed to offer users a whole new experience. Maybe I don’t like new things. Maybe I want to play “Mario Kart Wii” with my SNES controller. Maybe Nintendo should think about that the next time they are developing some kind of new “peripheral.” Looks like I’m going to have to stick to the Wii Remote and Nunchuck combo.

If Nintendo went one step further and offered the ability to customize your controller scheme, these two controllers could probably be made to work. However, I understand how few games these days come with controller customization, and that would be a pretty big ask for a little title like “Mario Kart.”