Readers, I need advice.
My girlfriend is wiping the floor with me at “Super Smash Bros. Brawl.”
I’ve been able to convert my girlfriend into digging most of my nerdy habits, be it “X-Files,” “Lost,” or comic books (she just finished Frank Miller’s “The Dark Knight Returns”) — but not games. Yet she has an obsession with the “Super Smash Bros.” series. I had no idea this passion existed, but she counts the brawlers among her favorite games of all-time, right next to “Tetris.”
When I was in middle school, none of my friends were much into “Smash Bros.” “GoldenEye 007″ always dominated our time, so the N64 and GameCube “Smash” games mostly passed me by. Thanks to my girlfriend’s surprise interest, that’s changed with the Wii’s “Brawl.”
My girlfriend is a formidable opponent with the pink puffball of doom, also known as Kirby. Most of the time it seems like she doesn’t know what she’s actually doing, but there’s a method to her button smashing madness.
Why? Because I keep losing. Not every time, mind you, but enough for me to step back and coin her as My Enemy This Week. Playing as Kirby makes a lot of sense, too. Kirby’s ability to “fly” by continually inhaling and exhaling prevents him from ever falling off stages for an instant KO. And he (it?) can absorb the powers of any opponent that’s being an annoying pest. This has made my girlfriend a formidable foe.
Is there an anti-Kirby character I should pick? So far, I haven’t had much luck with newcomers Pokemon Trainer and Captain Olimar. Sword-based characters, such as Link, appear to be a most effective countermeasure, thanks to their bevy of air-countering attacks. Playing the game on something other than the flimsy Wiimote might help, too (it is not the most effective way to play, Jason!).
Or I could just be making excuses. Shh.
Now that she’s aware that her Kirby skills have gotten under my skin, it’s made her all the more determined to find additional ways to take me down. “We’re playing Smash Bros. after work,” she said this morning. “I need to learn more characters.”
Awesome.
“Smash Bros.” was never my game, but apparently that’s not my choice anymore. Then again, my girlfriend wants to play games. I can’t complain about that.
March 14th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Only one question
Does she have a sister?
March 14th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
The way to destroy your opponent (or sleep on the couch via the g/f’s anger) would be to use Donkey Kong and his ground clap attack. It has this little a.o.e. (area of effect) that won’t let her get close to you.
March 14th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
That is awesome.
Way to go Katie for reading Frank Miller and kicking your boyfriend’s butt! Patrick’s enemy is my new heroine…
March 14th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
How could I forget to leave my friend code for late night Nintendo-gasm brawls. 6437-1355-3288-7786
March 15th, 2008 at 4:14 am
I read this blog for reporting, not for for your personal tidbits.
Please keep these fanciful, airy details to yourself in the future.
March 15th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
The_Beast: Please take an anti-grump suppository.
March 15th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Don’t listen to The_Beast, It’s personal bits like this that make the internet worth reading.
March 16th, 2008 at 12:44 am
Use Ike. Kirby is a poofball. Most of Ike’s attacks can kill and you will probably manage to KO the fluffyKirby by simply hitting.
Of course, if you can’t hit Kirby to begin with, I can’t help you.
March 16th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
use samus. his missiles and electric ball thing can take out kirby from long range.
March 17th, 2008 at 4:05 am
It would be poetic if you beat Kirby with Metaknight since he is Kirby’s rival.
March 17th, 2008 at 10:07 am
The_Beast..
You’re a douche.
Articles like this are interesting. If you don’t want “fanciful, airy details” maybe you should go have a conversation with text-to-speech program.
March 17th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Why dont you just commit seppuku while blasting the sonic 2 theme way too loud.
Or, better yet, blast meatloaf while your room mate rails his nacho guzzling girlfriend.
Get off your f—ing high horse klepek. We dont wanna know about that grimey ?~@$ you like to do with your girlfriend.
Dirty
Little
Boi
March 17th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
dammit! why did you have to give him ideas and suggestions on how to beat me! now i can’t beat him every time. i tried playing with different characters like pikachu and yoshii, but i fail every time. with pikachu, i have difficulty controlling the character and end up falling off the platform a lot. grrrr…looks like i need more practice before our next battle.
March 18th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
It wasn’t my intent to ruin your weekend Ms. Katie but I felt bad for Patrick. If it makes you feel any better use Mr. Game & Watch to combat his new level of play.
March 18th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
1) Learn to predict attacks and dodge at the right time (press down while shielding)
2) Learn to airdodge (shield button while in the air)
3) If the opponent likes to roll a lot, use an attack that hits on both sides of your character (most characters’ down smash fulfills this requirement; one exception is Lucas, whose up smash should be used instead)
4) if you play with items, and your opponent always goes for certain items first, make note of that and attack him before he can reach the item