I am the fourth-best assassin in the world, according to "No More Heroes."
But that flattery will only get the game so far. It has been angering me, because it has been giving me problems.
Envision, if you will, a game drenched in the same themes of Otaku-mockery/flattery of "God Hand," "Killer 7," and "Super Paper Mario," one in which the bosses are the now-cliched ninja schoolgirls, American cowboys and super-hero super-fans. And imagine this game has some of the best Wii combat controls on the market -- a perfect blend of button and motion-based inputs that somehow feel both accurate and visceral.
Ah, but also imagine that this game -- which thrives when it channels the player through ranked missions that will elevate him or her from 11th best assassin in the world to the best -- also forces players into a "Grand Theft Auto"-lite open world and right into a bit of gameplay IGN outright called "stupid." (They did.)
The problem are the game's "Free Fight" missions and save system. How could something so wrong be part of something so right?
A note about the "No More Heroes" structure: In order to participate in any of the game's ranked, linear assassination missions, the player has to pay a bounty. The player has to make some of that bounty money by taking side-missions in the game's open world. Some of those side missions are part-time jobs: tasks such as picking up garbage and pumping gas, which really aren't that bad. Also available are "Free Fight" missions. And "Free Fight" missions are ... my enemy.
"Free Fight" missions require you to beat up a set number of enemy characters who might be hanging out in a parking garage or schoolyard or such. When a mission of this type begins, the player's health is automatically knocked down to a single blip of red. One hit will kill you. And as unrealistic as "No More Heroes" is, it is bound by the law of physics that states that if an individual starts swinging fists and lightsaber in the middle of a crowd of hooligans, one such hooligan will, even if just in desperation while his buddies are beat down like railroad spikes, manage to get a single punch in -- a hit. Because cheap shots count, failure is just about guaranteed.
In my first seven hours of playing "No More Heroes" I probably tried the "Free Fight" missions about 20 times. I fared pretty well in many of them, but seldom well enough. I succeeded only once.
You may ask: but isn't this how games operate? Aren't they supposed to present challenges that seem insurmountable but that can be toppled with practice? I would say to you: Show me the restart button. Because I don't see it.
When you fail a "Free Fight" mission, you cannot restart it on the spot. I thought that meant that once I failed I would have to trudge over to the K-Entertainment building, the central location for mission assignments in "No More Heroes." That's similar to how restarting missions in "GTA" games has worked (not so for "GTA IV," thankfully). But when I tried that strategy, it didn't re-activate the mission. It seems to me that the only way to re-try a failed "Free Fight" mission is to wait or do other things in the game. The mission only becomes available again after some time passes. How much time? I don't know.
So this is my life in "No More Heroes" when I'm not pumping gas or improving my assassination rankings. I bike to an area of the game. I start a "Free Fight" mission. I run rough-shod over most of my enemies. But one of them punches me on the arm. Failure. And then... I move on to some other side missions, because I have no other options. Eventually I'll come around to that area again and the mission will be available for another try.
Now that I've described this in print, it doesn't sound so bad. I think a non-gamer could read that preceding paragraph and wonder what the problem was. Doesn't it even sound almost a bit .. healthy? The game is designed not for the player to obsess on one thing but to continue to explore variety. It de-emphasizes re-tries, as did another January 2008 release, "Burnout Paradise." Maybe this is good medicine.
Who am I to get angry about a game that wants me to experience variety, to free myself from obsessive-compulsive behavior, to keep on moving and flowing from moment to moment instead of drilling down, exhausting a spot, and moving on.
Sometimes we can learn things from our enemies. And I think I just did. What was challenging at the beginning of the week is still nearly impossible for me now. But it doesn't anger me anymore. In fact, I don't even think it's "stupid."
Well-done, "No More Heroes." You've defused my rage, without changing a bit.
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