What’s the best age for someone to start playing video games? That’s a question that’s been asked quite a bit lately.

Is it seven? According to educational psychologist Jane Healy, who spoke at the recent Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, children should be kept away from video games until the age of seven to “allow their brains to develop normally.”

The paperback edition of “How Computer Games Help Children Learn” by David Williamson Shaffer hit stores this week, basically explaining how video games can be good for children. We’ve also heard firsthand accounts from people — video game legends, even — who began playing games at an early age, and they seemed to turn out pretty normal (or in some cases, brilliant).

In light of all this, I wondered what actual parents thought. We know what a lot of children’s specialists, media watchdog groups and industry researchers think. I decided to ask some parents I knew (and parents that friends and co-workers knew) about their opinions on the subject.

First up, I spoke with two mothers with very different answers.

Who: Alisa, 38 year-old business owner from Boston, MA
Children: Two daughters, ages 6 and 9
Systems Owned: LeapFrog, Mac computer
Age OK for Kids to Play Games: Let her daughter play LeapFrog at age 4, but only web games since
Games Allowed to Play: Pre-approved web games only
Time Allowed: 30 minutes, several times a week
Would Never Let Kids Play: Any violent games or games that let you “beat up or say crude things to a woman”

Never growing up with games as a child, Alisa admits she is a bit “conservative” when it comes to gaming for her two daughters, ages 6 and 9. But she’s also thinks she’s pretty restrictive in general when it comes to her children’s media use; they must ask permission before watching TV or movies, playing games and listening to music.

When it comes to video games, she let her daughter play LeapFrog at age 4 (it was a gift), but the only ones they’re allowed to play now are on the computer, at educational websites like PBS or pre-approved websites such as Bella Sara and Miniclips. And they can only play for a limited period of time — a few times a week for a half-hour at most. “I’m not a huge fan of video games for kids because I’d rather see them use their imagination. I don’t think video games are that imaginative,” Alisa said, “especially the ones I feel that my kids are drawn to. They’re just following along with whatever the game is. It’s not really a lot of thinking — trying to capture or hit things. I’d rather see them doing art or dress-up or singing or playing in the backyard and things like that.”

When I asked Alisa why she thought that games weren’t imaginative and explained that many games have challenging, puzzle-solving elements, she conceded a little but remained skeptical. “Honestly, I haven’t really explored video games thoroughly, and I’m sure there are video games that fit more the bill of something that I’d be interested in, but I’m kind of hard-pressed to find a game that’s like reading a book or something like that. I understand the kids like it, so I allow them to do it; it’s monitored but it’s not my favorite thing for them to be doing.”

Alisa prefers her daughters to do activities that not only require more thinking, but also more moving. She lumps TV and video games together because they involve sitting in front of a screen and “letting something else entertain you, versus you entertaining yourself.” Because of their ages, she thinks that they can find other, more active things to do with their time. However, if her daughters showed more of an interest in video games, she would explore the option of having a console in the house — but they don’t. “They’re not dying for video games yet, so it’s easier to moderate. The Wii is a really big one, and they talk about it, but they wouldn’t be disappointed if they didn’t get it — although I’m sure they’d like it if they had it. But for the amount of money that [consoles] cost and for the amount that I would let them play, it wouldn’t even be worth it. And then if [we had consoles in the house], they’d be asking constantly [to play them].”

But like everything else in life, Alisa thinks moderation is key. “I would never restrict it so much that it becomes like this fantastic thing, because if you do that, I think you’re kind of shooting yourself in the foot. Because that’s all they want to do because you won’t let them do it,” she explained. “I like everything they do to be at a happy medium.” Although Alisa has her reservations about video games, she thinks it’s up to the parents to make the call. While she doesn’t see the point of the excessive violence in some games and is strongly against games that degrade women, she doesn’t think censorship of any kind is the answer. “It’s not the people who create the video games’ fault… As a parent you need to take responsibility for what your kids are doing and you have to be in touch with them so you know if they have some problems and monitor that yourself. That’s what parents are supposed to be doing.”

***

Who: Bonnie, 38 year-old product manager at a software company from Fairfield, CT
Children: Two sons, ages 5 and 10; One daughter, age 7
Systems Owned: Leapster, DS, Game Boy Advance, GameCube, Wii
Age OK for Kids to Play Games: Let kids play educational PC games at age 3 or 4
Games Allowed to Play: Web games, E-rated games, Leapster games
Time Allowed: 30 minutes, during the weekday; 60 minutes on a weekend day
Would Never Let Kids Play: “Shooter-type” games

With three children, Bonnie’s household has a few systems in the house. Her two sons, ages 10 and 5, play the Wii, GameCube and DS while her 7 year-old daughter mostly plays the educational hand-held system, Leapster. She and her husband allowed her children to start playing educational PC games when they were 3 or 4 (such as “Jumpstart,” Reader Rabbit” and web games on PBSkids.org). After seeing his cousin’s Game Boy Advance, their oldest son got one when he was about 5 or 6, and they later bought the family’s first console, the GameCube, when he was 7. The reason? “We decided to get the GameCube because we figured it was more social than playing alone with a Game Boy,” Bonnie explained.

In fact, Bonnie thinks that video games have had a positive effect on her oldest son, who had confidence issues. “We found that it helped his confidence each time he figured out how to play a new game or got to a new level,” she said. When I asked her to elaborate, she said, “He’s not very into sports, so other than school, there aren’t that many opportunities to work at something, figure it out, and then “master it” (at least not when you’re young). Of course, we do plenty of Legos, ‘real’ board games, etc. but there was something about him getting a game, reading the instructions (something I don’t even have the patience for) and figuring out how to play that gives him satisfaction.”

But while games have been good for boosting her son’s confidence, there are limitations to how much they can play. They’re allowed about a half-hour during the weekdays, provided their homework and chores are complete. On the weekends, they can play a little longer, but it’s still limited to about a hour at a time (Bonnie uses a kitchen timer). “My boys can get obsessed with reaching a level or winning a game, and unchecked have the ability to play it for hours. We believe in an ‘everything in moderation’ attitude when it comes to video games. If you make too big of deal about them not playing, they obsess. If you relax a bit, they’re not so worried about getting it all in when they can.”

In terms of what’s allowed, so far, Bonnie only lets them play E-rated games, such as “Lego Star Wars,” “Spider-Man Friend or Foe,” “Animal Crossing,” “Pokemon” games and “MarioKart.” The whole family will even play “Wii Sports,” “Dance Dance Revolution” and “High School Musical” together. Overall, Bonnie and her husband purchase about five or six games a year for the household, usually for birthdays or Christmas. When it’s time to buy a game, in addition to looking at the ESRB rating, her husband does some online research. While he often looks at Gamespot.com and “other review-type sites,” to find the age-appropriateness of a game, Bonnie said that, “Online reviews tend to be for older ‘gamer’ types, so they don’t care about those types of things, so you have to look deeper. Sometimes Amazon is a decent place to look, like at customer reviews.” She added, “We’re OK with the ’superhero’-type of mild violence, but we don’t let them play any shooter-type games and don’t plan to.”

I asked Bonnie why she didn’t plan on having her kids play any shooting games. Did she think simulated violence was related to real-life violence? “Not for normal, well-adjusted kids, but for kids with psychological issues, anger issues, etc. I can see it playing a part,” she said. In the end, Bonnie says it all comes down to parenting. “I think if parents pay attention to other aspects of their kids’ lives, they should be able to see if there are bigger problems. That being said, I’m not taking the chance with violent games at this age, and I’m not sure I’m going to change my mind as they get older.”

“It’s also tough as a parent, because it’s easy for you to have your kids play video games; you can get a lot done when your kids are playing,” Bonnie added. “So you have to check yourself to make sure you’re not letting them play too much for your own benefit. That’s why I try to always use the timer. The half-hour goes by fast for myself as well as for them, so it reminds us both.”

Check back soon for Part 2 of my parent interviews, featuring a gamer dad and a father who got annoyed by “World of Warcraft.” [UPDATE 1/31: Part Two is available here.]