Well, this certainly isn't how I wanted this story to end.
Friday morning, while I was out at the gym, embarrassing myself on the elliptical machine, my apartment was robbed.
The thieves stole two Xbox 360s, a PlayStation 2, some controllers, a laptop computer, and the replacement battery for said computer.
The PlayStation 3, which I was too tired to open when I got home, was stolen, too.
And thus ends the adventure.